Post from September, 2010

Our Little Poltergeist

Thursday, 30. September 2010 15:23

The living room and dining room were, for once, spotless. There was no clutter on any of the tables. No toys were strewn on the floor to threaten unsuspecting bare feet. Everything was in it’s place. I sighed a happy sigh, took a quick mental photograph and moved on to the kitchen. Boy howdy. I alphabetized spices, cleaned out crap drawers, and arranged dishes feng shui style so I could breeze through my baking with a whistle rather than a pirate shanty filled with expletives. After the floor was mopped, the final phase of project kitchen spic and span, I stepped back to relish in the delight. I even saw a few animated twinkles with accompanying audio from my highly-polished appliances. As a reward, I poured myself an icy cold diet coke and returned to the living room to put my feet up for a few minutes.

[cue the WEH! WEH! WEH! sounds from psycho]

The television armoire drawers were wide open. Computer paper was laid end to end in a path from the front door to the kitchen. Six small blankets were formed into neat piles in the shape of a star on our large ottoman. Highlighters were arranged in an arc on the floor. Acorns formed a line from the middle of the highlighter arc to the west wall. A dozen small, hardback books were lined end to end as a platform for a dozen small plastic animals with really big, unblinking eyes that stared at me like miniature stepford wives. I am breathless.

[enters Ben]

“Wow!”, he said. Living with Ellie is like living with a poltergeist.

Category:asperger's, ellie | Comments Off | Author: karacter

Grammy Winner

Thursday, 30. September 2010 3:41

During bath time this evening (Ellie’s, not mine) I was treated to quite the musical interlude.

Ellie: Mom, do you wanna hear my meat song?

Me [reluctantly]: Sure honey.

Ellie [sing songy]: Meat is brown. Meat is soft. Sometimes I drop it on the ground.

Category:ellie, music | Comments (2) | Author: karacter

Dazed from Our Lives [2]

Monday, 27. September 2010 2:56

See?! That dimple is working even when she sleeps. Wow is she a marathon crier. We’re into week two now and I’ve given up food and urinating to maximize on the possibility of three consecutive minutes of sleep. I know babies cry and I know you are not supposed to get much sleep, but how much longer does this part go on? I’ve held other newborns for extended periods of time and they were content. Truly, I’m not trying to compare, it’s just that we’ve had lots of visitors and not a single person has been able to hold her.

While I was pacing with her at 2 am, all I could think about was our old family tv. It was of the pre-remote and and pre-cable variety. If the skies weren’t perfectly clear, only two people could sit on the couch. The one in the middle had to balance a stainless steel bowl on his/her head. The person in the easy chair had to have his/her left leg over the arm and could not have anything to drink (the upward motion of the forearm jacked the signal). One person had to lie on the floor with a foot up on the side of the tv and could not use a pillow. The fifth person could sit anywhere on the floor and in any position so he/she was the runner – kleenex, blankets, snacks, pepto, whatever it took. Bathroom breaks and position shifts were only allowed during commercials.

With Ellie, I’ve walked slowly, with a lilt, and in place from side to side. I’ve swaddled. I’ve unswaddled. I’ve bounced. I’ve rocked. I’ve been singing. I’ve been quiet. I’ve used the swing. I’ve used the bassinet. I’ve driven in the car. I need everyone to gather in the family room! NOW! And take your former positions with the semi operational tv. That’s the only idea I have left!


Category:Dazed from Our Lives, new mom, post-partum, screaming child | Comments Off | Author: karacter

Maury Pauvich

Monday, 27. September 2010 0:19

Aside from some dimples on the glutes, this child has no other traits from me. Gonna be doin’ some maternity testing.


Category:uncategorized | Comments (2) | Author: karacter

Don’t Call DCFS

Saturday, 25. September 2010 15:27

During Ellie’s evaluation at the Autism Center, there was a portion of testing involving interactions with a family of dolls and doll furniture. The evaluator asked Ellie which doll she wanted and Ellie selected the baby. She then found a small trunk among the furniture, picked it up and as she was placing the doll in it and closing the lid, she said, “I’m gonna put it in a trap.”

Category:asperger's, ellie | Comments Off | Author: karacter

Ghost Story

Friday, 24. September 2010 0:27

Last night we sat outside around the fire pit and Ellie asked if we wanted to hear a ghost story.

Ellie: Once, there was this little ghost. And, he was lost in the dark. With no map. He could only turn left or right. He turned right and found his home and his Mom and Dad were happy to see him.

Ben and Me: Yeah! We like that story!

Ellie: Do you wanna hear a different ghost story?

Ben and Me: Yeah!

Ellie: Once, there was this DIFFERENT ghost. And, he was lost in the dark. With no map. He could only turn left or right. He turned right and found his home and his Mom and Dad were happy to see him.

Category:conversations, ellie, family | Comments Off | Author: karacter

Dazed from Our Lives [1]

Thursday, 23. September 2010 2:45

On July 15th, 2007 at 5:15 pm, the most amazing thing in the world happened. I had my baby girl, Ellie. Labor only lasted 20 hours and then I pushed for two before she was in my arms. Piece of cake. Seriously. Compared to what has followed. Piece of cake.

The doctor put her on my belly and the first thing I noticed was a dimple over her left eyebrow and I thought, “oh sweet Jesus…we got a firecracker.” Then the nurse took her and she pooped all over herself (Ellie, not the nurse) including the spaces in between her toes. This firecracker was thorough.


The next two days were spent begging for sleep, wanting a shower, and wondering how long before my nether region swelling would surely extend to knee level. I was so thrilled to have this new little nugget in my life and was certain that when I arrived home, could sleep in my own bed, learn to navigate the watermelons that invaded my brazier, and eventually sit upright, that I would actually be able to enjoy her.

A week went by and I was really battling the baby blues. The nursing thing was not going well. It felt as if my nipples were being stretched in a vice and then rubbed with sandpaper. I dreaded each feeding and the pain of it made me sweat buckets. We also had family staying with us for a week. Since I’m not a granola mom, whipping out the guns in front of anyone was just not an option for me. This relegated me to our bedroom for much of that week. I don’t care how close you are with your family, you need time and space to recover.

Oh. Silly me. I also forgot to mention that during this time of tranquility we had our house on the market. That was fun because at the drop of a hat, buyers might come look. In our closets. With boxes of nursing pads lying around. And hemorrhoid cream. And great big granny gauze panties.

Why did we have our house on the market, you ask? Well because three weeks after Ellie was born we planned to move to St. Louis for Ben to start law school, of course. Duh. I didn’t hear you. What? Oh, you want to know where were we planning to live since our house was still on the market. With family. But with the real estate market starting to decline rapidly, it would maybe be for a couple months at most. Or ten.

more later…

Category:Dazed from Our Lives, ellie, new mom, post-partum | Comments (1) | Author: karacter

A Happy Little Bedtime Ditty

Wednesday, 22. September 2010 5:03

For those who know me, it’s no secret I’m a little more than left of center. Perhaps you wonder how that came to be. Well, I’m here to tell you that while most of you grew up with grimm fairy tales, I grew up with Grandma Gloria fairy tales. Maybe you’ll all treat me a little more gently now.

I had a little monkey,
sent it to the country,
fed it on gingerbread.
Ankle Bankle shot him in the ankle
now my monkey’s dead.

Category:family, fears | Comments (2) | Author: karacter

Laundry Woes

Tuesday, 21. September 2010 13:54

Occasionally, I’m guilty of forgetting a load of laundry in the washing machine. For three or four days. This results in an automatic rewash. No questions asked. Last week, one load was rewashed. Twice. I transferred it to the dryer. The next logical step was to throw another load of dirty laundry into the washing machine. I followed said logical step. Then it all kind of falls apart. I went to remove the original load that had not only been rewashed twice but also held in dryer captivity for four days only to realize I’d neglected the most important step in the drying process. Turning on the dryer. This is now a record. Three rewashes. Pardon me while I take a moment to step outside and run really fast. Into a tree.

Category:gross | Comments (4) | Author: karacter

Things That Make Me Happy 1 (and 2)

Tuesday, 21. September 2010 1:52

Category:beauty, music | Comments (1) | Author: karacter