View all posts filed under 'ben’s one-liners'

Sing Like No One Listens

Wednesday, 29. January 2014 15:38

A simple thing like breaking into song and dance with my girl, normally creates much angst and aggravation (granted, my Elaine-like moves can be slightly disturbing, but still…). After several attempts, I just quit. A life without music and silliness is depressing. But, worse than that, is upsetting the even keel that keeps Ellie off the edge.

Lately, there has been a shift. A joyous, glorious, beautiful shift. Ellie is starting to enjoy music. Over the last week or so, we have been singing. She hasn’t groaned at the spontaneity or stomped off or screamed at me for not doing something according to her script. We are giggling and lip synching and singing and dancing and having the BEST time. This is HUGE.

As Ellie was brushing her teeth last night, I shared this fun tidbit with Ben. Ellie’s bionic hearing zoned in on our whispering and she ran into the living room demanding to know what we were discussing. I told her we were talking about how much fun I was having singing and dancing with her. Then I broke into “I Believe I Believe I Believe I Believe in Love!” waiting for her to jump in to verify my claim. She glared at me familiarly and shook her head while telling me, “We’re NOT doing that now and that’s NOT how it goes.” Ben said nothing. He didn’t have to. His smug “Autism just ruined your street cred” face said it all.

Category:asperger's, autism, ben's one-liners | Comments Off | Author: karacter

Does a Bear Eat Ice Cream

Tuesday, 30. April 2013 1:38

It was a beautiful day in the Lou. A perfect day for a local delight – Ted Drewe’s Frozen Custard. While enjoying our treat on an outdoor bench, I noticed that the car parked in front of us had the license plate “VATICN”.

Me: I didn’t know the Pope was in town.
Ellie: What’s a Pope?
Ben: It’s someone who shits does stuff in the woods.

Category:ben's one-liners | Comments Off | Author: karacter

Les Mis

Tuesday, 28. August 2012 16:08

Mopping the floors is a sucky task. Sucky because I’d rather be eating cookies and suckier because I have to perform this around unhelpful inhabitants. Cute and lovable, but oh so not helpful. My little peanut follows me at each swipe less than one centimeter in distance from my being, going on about the digestive systems of great white sharks, the patterns of walnut shells, or the names, positions, and movements of chess pieces. The cat always walks through the freshly mopped portion of the floor and when scolded, brazenly shows me her tube (Ellie’s term for the cat’s butt). And then, there’s my husband, who only seems to need something from the hall closet when the floor is wet. The three of them continue their little lives without any thought to the woman huffing and scrubbing all around them.

On Saturday, Ben returned from running knowing I’d squeeze his head in the garlic press if he attempted walking to the bathroom on my clean, wet floor. I told him he just needed to wait ten minutes. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

Me: Listen mister, my whole life is spent moving about this house around the lives and schedules of everyone else.
Ben: Really? Cause it sounds like to me, your whole life is spent being melodramatic.

I’m still trying to decide if I should let him live.

Category:ben's one-liners, conversations | Comments Off | Author: karacter

Who’s on First

Monday, 23. July 2012 1:49

Ellie: Daddy, I’m making a rainbow picture for you.
Ben: Fantastic. I can’t wait to see it.
Ellie: Do you want me to color it in or leave the middle blank so I can draw a picture of you?
Ben: What do you think might be better?
Ellie: Well, it’s your picture so you can decide whatever you want.
Ben: Hmmm. Okay, I think it might be interesting to leave the middle blank then.
Ellie: Well, I think it might be better if I color it in.
Ben: Sounds good. I’m glad you asked.

[a few minutes later]

Ben: How’s your picture coming?
Ellie: Good.
Ben: I can’t wait to see your picture of me in the middle.
Ellie: Well, I decided to color it in. Do you want me to color it in or leave it blank?

Category:ben's one-liners, conversations | Comments (4) | Author: karacter

Daddy/Daughter Dance with Thelma and Louise

Saturday, 11. February 2012 18:16

Ben and Ellie are attending a Valentine’s Day dance together this evening. Ellie’s friend who lives across the street is also attending with her Dad. Ben seemed concerned about what I had planned during their absence. I assured him that the two stay-at-home moms would be planning their Thelma and Louise get-away to which Ben quickly (a little too quickly) replied, “Make sure to gas up.”

Category:ben's one-liners | Comments (5) | Author: karacter

Crocheting, Missing You, and Santa

Wednesday, 14. December 2011 17:15

Apparently, I’ve forgotten how to blog/read blogs/comment for quite some time. Well, I guess forgotten isn’t the word (although I’m about six months shy of a dementia diagnosis, certainly). I’ve been so very busy. Being an old lady. See previous post. *Someone* had a great idea to make all of her Christmas gifts this year. So, I’ve been crocheting like a mad woman. I’m happy to report my momentum is still strong and if it continues, I’ll be making cozies for all the appliances and maybe even the cars.

Being away from the blogosphere has been a nice break but MAN, have I missed all my friends who make me laugh and help me feel sane (even if they’re just pretending…it’s lovely).

So, I must share my favorite Santa visit moment brought to you by one Ellie Bean and sponsored by one Daddy.

The night before (you thought I was going to say Christmas) we went to visit Santa, Ben had a conversation with Ellie about things she could tell him. Ellie wants nothing more to talk to Santa and loves him with every fiber of her being, but CANNOT look at him or utter a word in his presence.

CUE SCENE:
Ellie and I approach Santa. She is my second skin. I kneel near Santa and act as a buffer while trying to encourage her to talk about what she and Daddy practiced. Santa dutifully asked if she’d been a good girl and what she would like him to leave under the tree. He did his best, bless his heart. As I stood up, he tried one last time. “Is there anything at all you’d like to tell Santa?”

Ellie replied, “Mommy has issues”.
END SCENE.

So, this is what Daddy and Ellie practiced the night before. Ben will be getting a stocking full of reindeer poop this year.

Category:ben's one-liners, conversations | Comments (8) | Author: karacter

Are Those the Bees Knees?

Tuesday, 26. July 2011 4:21

This is my first attempt at a birthday cake. Fondant and all. I don’t think the Ace of Cakes has anything to worry about. When I did the birthday cake presentation, Ben pointed at the eyes and said, “What are those?! Is it cold in here?”.

bee cake

Category:ben's one-liners | Comments (1) | Author: karacter

Babies or The Other Guys

Tuesday, 26. July 2011 4:11

It was slim pickin’s at the Red Box. I came home with two movies last night.

Me: Ben, do you want to watch “The Other Guys” with Will Ferrell and Marky Mark or a documentary called “Babies”? About babies.

Ben: Hmm. Well, since I don’t have breasts, I guess I’ll go with “The Other Guys”.

Category:ben's one-liners | Comments (1) | Author: karacter

Truck Stop Science

Wednesday, 22. June 2011 0:47

The other night, we were flipping channels and happened upon a hummingbird special on PBS. What?! We don’t get out much! How they catch these little buggers, weigh, and tag them was something else. At one point, an older woman was wearing a sweatshirt much like the one below. She was holding a hummingbird, wearing a microscopic eye, and was attempting to band its little leg with what looked like a human hair. The one thing my husband pointed out, “Hey! Nice sweatshirt. I wonder which truck stop she found that one in.”

Category:ben's one-liners | Comments (3) | Author: karacter

My Singular Sensation

Friday, 17. June 2011 21:21

Ben and I are very cultured. Very. We went to see “A Chorus Line” last night. Following is the conversation post performance.

Me: I really love the singing and dancing, but I absolutely cannot stand those really tight pants. They make me stare uncomfortably at things I shouldn’t.

Ben: Maybe you should have worn something in a bigger size.

Category:ben's one-liners | Comments (2) | Author: karacter