Random Conversations (I miss Jack Handy)

[4-Year-Old on Early Retirement]
Ellie: So. Mom and Dad. We have jobs at school. Every day we can pick what we want to do.
Me: How fun. What are your favorite jobs?
Ellie: Weather Reporter and News Reporter. BUT. You know WHAT? You can also go on v-cation! It’s not a trip or anything. You get to just sit back and relax. I never knew about that one. That’s my new favorite job.

[4-Year-Old Pawning of Baby on 5-Year-Old]
Ellie: Hey Lucy? Do you want a baby in your tummy?
Lucy: No.
Ellie: Me neither. Mom says it pinches when it comes out. That’s why I’m going to adopt a baby. Do you want to adopt a baby?
Lucy: Sure!
Ellie: Great! Then, maybe you could feed my baby or change its diaper for me when I have other things to do.

[Is Maya a Respite Care Provider or is Your Mommy Just Lame? When to let the "Autism Cat" Out of the Bag.]
Lucy: Hey Ellie, Maya’s coming to our house tonight.
Ellie: Oh. Maya comes to your house in the evening and to our house in the morning.
Lucy: Yeah. She comes for my brother because he has a hard time sometimes. I wonder why she comes to see you?
Ellie: Well, sometimes my Mom has a lot of work to do and doesn’t always have time to play with me.
Me: [holding breath and forgetting to exhale...dangerous, for said conversation took place while I was driving.]

[Tank Top Reprise]
Ellie: Mom, are you wearing a tank top?
Me: We’ve been over this. Sometimes I wear tank tops. Sometimes you wear tank tops. Sometimes you wear short-sleeved shirts. Sometimes Mommy wears short-sleeved shirts. It doesn’t really matter (tank tops, tank tops, tank top).
Ellie: So can I wear a tank top?

[Job Opportunity with Exceptions]
Ellie: Mom, I think I want to be a doctor when I grow up. But, I’m going to have to close my eyes when I give shots.
*Note: Please refer to the first conversation of this post…it’s not boding well for Dr. Ellie Hypodermic Caribbean Cruise, MD.

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Date: Tuesday, 17. April 2012 4:25
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  1. 1

    I think you could’ve just given me the three links to the tank tops and I would have happily died laughing! But the v-cation and the doctor’s job?! She’d fit right in – I know a lot of doctors who seem to always be on v-cation… especially when they’re right in the same room with you.

  2. 2

    This had me rolling, and what’s more, I totally heard Phil Hartman narrating it as I read! You are writing a book aren’t you? If not, besides the one you did, you should.